Saturday, 30 July 2016

Anxiety or Just Nerves?

I've been wanting to write this for a long time (actually, a very long time) and now I've finally decided to just write it and see whether or not I should post this or not.

I've always been a shy kid. Most of my childhood memories actually consist of me standing behind my mum at family events and only hanging around one or two people at a time. But since I was around ten years old, I started to feel sick while either going out places or talking to people. I didn't have many friends when I was ten, either. In fact, the only friend that I had was in the year above me so I didn't actually have anyone to talk to in school. All of a sudden, I would get these stomach aches and I just wanted to cry and I had no clue what was going on. I missed a lot of school that year.

However, now that I'm nearly 16, I've began to feel a lot worse. I don't miss school, but certain things seem to terrify me. I know this sounds stupid, but there's this teacher that picks on random people for answers, and I am TERRIFIED to go to their class. Once, he asked me a question that I couldn't answer. I said that I didn't know the answer, despite me actually having an answer, but because I wasn't sure if it was right, I didn't want to answer. However, he kept pushing me and pushing me for an answer until one of my friends just blurted it out. She said I looked ill. I'm pale as a ghost anyway, but I'd went really pale, I had started shaking and I just felt like crying (I actually did cry after the lesson) and I hated myself for it. There's been other situations like this, for example: the 5SOS concert, my German speaking exam, having to speak to strangers. It's actually gotten to the point where I avoid certain places where I've felt like this. It's bloody ridiculous.

I've tried talking to people about this, but all everyone says is: "stop being scared of everything," "you're overreacting," "it's just nerves," or "you can't go through life like this." And now, because of people saying these things, I've just kept quiet about it for over a year. I don't think people understand that I can't control how I feel. If I could, I wouldn't be like this because I hate making a fuss.

I just don't know. I don't know why I feel like this, but I know that it upsets me. I now feel like I'm making a fuss to everyone reading this, but it's how I feel.

Now, I'm going to press the 'publish' button before I re-read this and decide to delete it. Have a nice day, guys!

- Caitlin xxx

Sunday, 3 July 2016

Things That Introverts Would Understand

If you don't know already, I'm an introvert. This means that I tend to keep to myself or around close friends, I don't usually go out, and I'm perfectly content with sitting at home by myself reading a book, listening to music or watching videos on youtube for hours at a time. Here, I have made a list of different situations that an introvert would understand.

1. Dreading Speaking Exams
In my school, we have speaking exams for languages and English (but we don't do English Speaking at GCSE). I would always get so stressed for these exams but not because I wasn't prepared or because I hate exams; because I had to speak.
For a speaking assessment last year, everyone had to prepare an argument for a topic of their choice (I think I chose bullying) and it had to be at least one minute long. You're probably thinking: "pfft, what's a minute? That's fine!"
Not. For. Me.
Every second felt like an entire year, and my voice shook so much that I had to start sentences over. But guess what?
We had to speak in front of the whole class. And judging from the fact that the lesson before an entire table of boys laughed at me for no reason, you can guess how terrified I was. I thought I was lucky because we wouldn't be speaking in register order (my surname unfortunately starts with a C so I'm always one of the first) oh no. We got the lollipop sticks of doom.
Every second of waiting for the teacher to pull out the lollipop stick with my name on killed me. It felt like waiting for the hunger games to begin - only that I would be alone. And when I stood up for my inevitable social demise, I freaked. I almost cried. And it turns out that the speaking exam brought my English level down by nearly two grades so that was fun.

Thursday, 2 June 2016

May Favourites

Book: The 5th Wave
My mum bought me this book since I was dragged up to Scotland with my dad and brother while she was flying off to Marbella (fair, I know) and because I was going to buy it myself after I watched the film (of the same name) starring Chloe Grace Moretz. I haven't finished it yet, but so far I am loving it! Humanity is on the brink of extinction, thanks to the four waves sent out to Earth by an alien ship that hovers right over the Earth. The story follows Cassie - a teenage survivor that struggles to keep a promise to reunite with her younger brother, whilst simultaneously trying to stay alive.

TV: Supernatural
I can't get over this show. I'm actually obsessed with it. If you haven't heard of it, it is about two brothers (Sam and Dean Winchester) that hunt demons. I was going to start watching this last year, but I thought that I would be too scared since it can actually be quite frightening in some places (*cough* the bloody mary episode) but it's honestly not as scary as I thought it would be and I can actually watch it before I go to bed now (famous last words right there!)

TV Again: Dance Moms
I'm not one for reality shows, but Dance Mom's is my guilty obsession. I don't know what it is about it, but something about this show always makes me click on the next episode. I can't explain it; it's one of those things that you have to watch to understand. 

Gaming: Assassins Creed: Syndicate
I got this game for Christmas when I got my xbox one, but I have only started playing it recently and I wish that I had started it sooner! I love the fact that you can now play as a boy and a girl, and you can take back Victorian London from the Templars, which gives you more to do after you have finished the main game. I'm still playing (since the game is so big) but I'm still loving it!

Music: Melanie Martinez
You know those days where you spend most of the day on youtube just clicking on the next thing that pops up in your recommendations just for the sake of it? (Please say that it is not just me that has no life). Well, that was how I discovered Melanie Martinez. I listened to her song 'Dollhouse' which then led me to listening to her entire 'Crybaby' album on spotify. 

I'm going to be posting more soon since the holidays are coming up. I just need to get through mocks then blogging can be my priority :)
Don't forget to follow my bloglovin and I hope that you all have a lovely day wherever you are in the world! xxx

Sunday, 22 May 2016

School Makeup + Quick Life Update!

It recently occurred to me that I don't actually have many beauty posts on this blog. Maybe because my makeup skills are about as good as my ability to revise for a German exam (*cough* rubbish *cough*) but since the products that I use are brilliant and mostly affordable, I thought that I would share with you all the makeup that I wear every day for school.

Sunday, 15 May 2016

My Favourite Books

First of all, I apologise for not writing anything for a month, I have had a TON of school work with mocks coming up in a couple of weeks, and I've been spending my free time writing a story.
Now, I have taken a step back and today I am going to dive into reading instead of writing and I am going to share with you all my favourite books.

1. The Saga of Darren Shan
These books are my all-time FAVOURITES. I can't get over how good the storyline is and how well it is written. There's no lengthy chunks of overwhelming description which leaves more to the imagination and allows you to quickly progress with meeting the characters and dive straight into action. My favourite book in the series is "vampire mountain" which is the 4th book in the saga. It had everything that I love: training for fights, intense scenes of action, character development, small bits of humour. It's everything that I think a book should be and I spent my entire holiday with my family reading all twelve of them (yes, there's twelve excluding the spin-off which I will get to in a minute).
Genre: Horror
Author: Darren Shan

2. The Saga of Larten Crepsley.
Yes, I'm obsessed with Darren Shan's books. Written in a similar way, the spin-off to the saga of Darren Shan shows the past of Darren's secretive mentor: Mr Crepsley. It shows how Larten went from being an innocent boy working in a factory for a cruel foreman, to becoming the person he is in the original saga. 
Genre: Horror
Author: Darren Shan

3. The Witch Finder
I was in WHSmith when I just happened to stumble across this book on the shelf. This story is about the love story of Luke and Rosa. Luke, is a witch finder who is sent on his first hunt to find and kill the young witch Rosa, who is engaged to the frightening warlock Sebastian. You're probably rolling your eyes right now but trust me, I actually enjoyed it! It's one of those books where you have to read it to understand how good it is. I have also bought the sequel, which I have nearly finished, but it is not as intriguing as the first one but, then again, books usually aren't.
Genre: Romance/Fantasy?
Author: Ruth Warburton

I am currently reading A LOT of books at once. I have this problem where I will buy a book, start to read it, and then buy another book which I will start to read and the cycle continues. 
What are your favourite books that you have read from cover to cover? Have you read any of the books that I have recommended? 

Friday, 15 April 2016

Being You

 I was doing some story writing the other day and I noticed something in one of my characters that inspired me to write this post. In my story, one of the main characters had stopped doing something that she loved because other people thought it was strange. That wasn't part of the main plot, but it was a slight detail I gave my character that got me thinking. Why should people feel as though they have to stop doing something that they love because most people don't do it? I don't understand it.

I believe that people judge other people's hobbies because they either want to be able to do that hobby/skill or they just don't understand it because they've never heard of people doing something like that in their spare time. I think that this is a wrong attitude to have and people should be more open minded to people's hobbies (unless your hobby is homicide, then that's a problem that you need help for).

In my spare time (as I said above) I write stories. I've done this since the age of ten! However, most people don't know this about me because I feel as though I will be judged and pressured into stopping it, which I really don't want to do because I have written things that no-one else has read but I am proud of them all the same.

It seems to me that people will only respect an uncommon hobby if you're a celebrity, or if you have something big to show for it, like an award.

However, if you have a hobby that you love, whether it's story writing, blogging, gymnastics or playing a didgeridoo! If you enjoy it, keep doing it no matter if you're the only person on Earth doing it. Think of yourself as a book. You have a beginning, middle and end. The beginning is your decisions, the middle is your actions and the end is the result. The middle is the longest part of your story and requires the most work, time and dedication to get to the end. If you work as hard as you can and put in effort, you will get to the end. Who's to say you won't be a world famous basketball player? Who says you won't get that book deal? Who says you'll never make it to the end? Your story is yours no-one else's. You don't have to be what's 'popular.' The reason a book like Harry Potter has become famous is because it hadn't been done before. However, if everyone made copies of Harry Potter and renamed it Henry Peters then people won't want to read that! It's been done before, everyone knows the story. But if a new book comes out about something completely different to anything that has ever been seen before then people will notice. You just have to get to the end before you start seeing any real progress.

I hope that you all enjoyed this blog post and if any of you are considering dropping something that you enjoy, don't! It takes hard work and dedication but you will reach the end of your story and then you will have something great to show for it!

Thursday, 7 April 2016

The Liebster Award

The Liebster Award is like a tag in which blogs with less than 300 followers answer questions and nominate other bloggers to do the same to connect with each other. I have been kindly nominated by the lovely Filippa and I apologise now for taking so long to answer these questions! Better late than never!

Saturday, 19 March 2016

Boohoo Wishlist

I've been clicking onto Boohoo a lot recently and doing that thing where you spend hours looking at clothes and never actually buying anything, just imagining yourself in them (it's not just me that does this, right?). I decided to make a wishlist of all of the things that I'm looking at on Boohoo.

Monday, 14 March 2016

Downsides of being quiet

Being quiet isn't a bad thing - it's your personality! I have always been a quiet person and I'm not going to change, however there are downsides to being quiet:

Sunday, 14 February 2016

Tumblr TV Show Questions TAG

(This post is inspired by Charlote's Life and Simple Enchantment (Issy))
Warning! This post may contain spoilers for the list of shows below.

Pick 5 TV Shows you like before reading the questions. 

1. The Walking Dead
2. Merlin
3. Sherlock
4. Pretty Little Liars
5. Game of Thrones

Who is your favourite character in 2?
Gwaine. Funny, strong and I love his friendship with Merlin.

Who is your least favourite character in 1?
Lori. Enough said.

What is your favourite episode of 4?
Probably the season 5 finale 'welcome to the dollhouse.' Season 5 has been my favourite season so far and this episode left me on the edge of my seat the entire time!

What's your favourite relationship in 3?
There's only one relationship in Sherlock and I don't ship it (sorry Mary). I love John and Sherlock's friendship but I am one of the few that don't actually ship JohnLock (don't kill me).

How long have you watched 1?
About a year and a half.

How did you become interested in 3?
Honestly, I was bored so I looked for something to watch on Netflix.

Who is your favourite actor in 4?
Janel Parish. She's brilliant! She can play innocent girly girl, shy nerd, evil genius, the list goes on! Janel has so much talent to be able to play as one character with so many different personalities.

Which show do you prefer, 1, 2 or 5?
Game of Thrones. I love fantasy shows and films and there's so many great battles and political backstabbing and secrets in Kings Landing. There's so much suspense and secrets and I love it!

Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3?
Think about how many episodes Sherlock has and you have your answer. (1)

If you could be anyone from 4 who would you be?
Spencer. She's my favourite liar.

How would you kill off any character in 5?
I'd send Cersei my regards.

Would a 3/4 crossover work?
Let's be real, Sherlock will figure out who -A is in seconds and call the liars stupid for not realising it. (Aria, it's Aria).

Pair two characters in 1 that would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple.
Michonne and Rick. I can't decide if they're better as friends or not.

Overall, which has the better cast, 3 or 5?
5. Benedict Cumberbatch is brilliant but I think the Game of Thrones cast is so funny!

Which has the better theme music, 2 or 4?
4. The song 'secret' is just brilliant and it fits in so well with the show.

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

Haul: Superdrug, Boots + More!

Last weekend I went into town with one of my friends and bought more than I usually do (I can never find anything to buy!) so I thought that I would just share a few of these things with you all.


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Monday, 11 January 2016


Judging people is a natural part of you. When you meet a person for the first time, your brain comes up with an idea of what that person could be like, whether it's positive or negative. Judging people is not the problem, it's voicing your initial judgement that's the problem. If you see someone wearing a hoodie and walking behind you while you're on your own in the dark, you're probably going to feel a little worried. Many people do. However, that person may be kinder than a lot of people you actually know, you just get negative vibes from the way that person looks. You can't help feeling this way, but it's important to not let that first encounter determine your whole opinion on the person. 

Friday, 1 January 2016

Summary of my 2015

I'm not going to lie, this year has been weird. It's been amazing in some ways but not so great in others, but, overall, it's been great! This post is a summary of the most important things that happened to me in 2015, enjoy!

I saw 5sos live. In June, I went to Newcastle to see 5 seconds of summer in their ROWYSO tour and they were GREAT! I was really nervous because of all the people so I was nearly sick! But when the opening act came on (Hey Violet) I got used to the crowd and just enjoyed their music. (Search for Hey Violet on Youtube because their music is actually really good!)